How often have you been in the situation where you’ve been on a training course, got fired up about the new skills and knowledge you’ve acquired, and looked to put these in place with members of your team, only to find you get push-back when you try?
You look to use the skill a few times but things don’t go to plan and eventually it all becomes a bit too hard. So you stop trying to use the new approach as often and eventually you stop using it altogether. As a result you end up not getting any of the benefits you were so enthused by on the course and go back to your old way of operating. A waste of time, energy and money all round!
Putting yourself in the shoes of one of your team members (or should that be ‘victims’?) can be very enlightening in understanding why you may get the resistance. For example - ‘My boss has just come back from a three day training offsite and has started acting very differently from how he was before. All of a sudden he is asking if he can ‘give me some feedback’ or if he ‘can give me some coaching’, and has started asking me lots of questions where before he rarely asked questions and more often than not told me what to do. It’s all very confusing. The game seems to have changed and I don’t understand what the game is or what the rules are. I’m not sure what’s going on and certainly not sure I want to play!’
One of the key things we have learned over the years of running our Coaching Culture programme is the need to educate both the coach and their coachees about the coaching process so both sides of the relationship know the game and are able to play. Doing this allows the coach to feel more comfortable in the early stages of using their coaching skills. They are less concerned about being perfect as they know that their coachee understands what they are doing and therefore more likely to make allowances for any ‘clunkiness’ in the process.
If we were introducing someone to a game of tennis or rugby we’d begin by explaining a bit about the game and the rules – so they could start to understand what’s going on and play their role. That way we are allowing them to get comfortable with the game and as a result we are more likely to get them interested in coming back for more.
It’s a pity then that most times, when we are trying to adopt new leadership approaches in work settings, we fail to explain what’s going on to all the parties. Many will play the game once but, as a result of not being sure what’s going on, may be less inclined to give it a second go – especially if the first experience is not perfect (which is very likely when someone is trying out new skills).
We recommend a few simple steps that can be used to increase the likelihood of success by creating the conditions that allow you, and your team-members, to win.
Taking this approach requires a bit of time, humility and honesty. However, if you can make the time and take off your Superman/Superwoman cape for a minute or two, our experience is that you are much more likely to achieve a successful outcome than hoping they will just ‘get it’ without any explanation.