Give us some Feedback!!
As an extrovert there is nothing worse than sitting in a conversation where you are sharing some idea and thoughts and you look across at a blank face. You see extroverts need a bit of feedback, a bit of energy and we derive that from other people. If we don’t get energy from the person we are talking to then we might as well not talk at all and just think about it all by ourselves, and then where would we be? Yes, we would be introverts! .Yes we know thats what you do, and we think thats okay for you, but as an extrovert we need a bit of feedback so that we keep sharing. Extroverts talk to think and if we are sharing ideas with you, then we are often creating, growing, exploring and we would love it if you joined in. Even just a little bit to show that you are interested. If not we can just close down, stop and the thought can be lost. Or we keep talking, all the time wondering if you are interested or not, because our faces tend to express how we feel at any given moment, but yours dont. In fact for some of us our body language is an expression of our emotions in the minute. From waving hands, to excited gestures to frowns, we give it all away. But we would never play poker with you as we would have no idea what you were thinking!
It takes so long!
Now we know that the phrase is ‘the devil is in the detail’, but its just a saying. You dont have to live by it do you? It just takes so long to get things done when you are an Extrovert working with an Introvert. All those little details that you want to check! Feel free, but could you do it in your own time please? We are ready to move on to the next thing knowing that we solve all those minor points once we get there and want to get on with the more exciting stuff right now. Thats the way we operate you see. We know that we will solve problems, sort things out when we get there and as long as we have the big picture or some direction to guide us we don’t need to talk about all of it right now. It’s almost as if you are always worried that you will get something wrong and don’t want any mistakes whatsoever at any time. Honestly, we don’t mind (though we will point out that it was you that got it wrong when it happens, as we don’t make mistakes, but don’t worry its not personal).
It’s not personal
And on that note, you seem to take what we say so personally. When we say ‘that’s not right’ or even ‘I think this would be better another way’ or ‘I don’t like that’ you get all hot and bothered. We don’t understand it, as for us its not personal. Its just that we’ve looked at what you’ve produced and we think that something is missing or incorrect or not what we asked for. We know that you’ve spent a long time doing it (see above) and we know that you will have made sure that it is technically correct (no typo’s, grammar checked, all adds up etc) but from our perspective it’s not delivering the right result. Thats all we are saying, its not that you are a bad person. Its not personal for us, its just a task, so we don’t mind being told something is wrong (well some of us do, but we will convince you that it’s your fault for not briefing us properly)
And, for some of you its not ‘hot and bothered’ more ‘cool and aloof’. You don’t say anything but we can see the change in your body language, as you sit more upright, your face goes expressionless and we know thats the sign for something being wrong. So we ask you, ‘is something wrong?’ and guess what you say?
Yes means No and No means Yes
Thats right, you say ‘No’. Its the same when we ask if you understand something that we have explained or are happy to do something we have asked for. You say ‘Yes’. Then weeks later we find that you’ve not done what we asked for or that you still don’t seem to understand what we are explaining. You haven’t finally come up to and said ‘I wasn’t happy with what you asked me to do’ or ‘I actually didn’t understand that’. We find out because its not been done or the output is wrong. And then we tell you its wrong or get annoyed because its not been done and…well, see the above.
It’s as if you are avoiding conflict by not telling us what you are thinking, and you hope that if you say Yes or No we will just go away and let you get on with it (Yes or No being chosen based on which will achieve that result quicker. But haven’t you noticed that all that happens is the conflict gets delayed a few weeks? Wouldn’t it be quicker to sort it there and then? Because after all..
Its not conflict
Its just a difference of opinion. A different way of doing things. We do things one way as an extrovert and you do it another way as an introvert. Different, not wrong.
It cant really be conflict as all we are doing is talking about it, and just because it may feel like conflict inside you, its doesn’t mean that it is conflict. So you can complain to the waiter about poor service, because its not really conflict. You can take poor goods back to the shop because its not really conflict. You can tell us you don’t agree, because its not really conflict. After all, it cant be conflict because nobody is holding a weapon!
So when it comes down it, there is no problem with Introverts. Well none that can’t be solved by you giving us a bit of energy, not taking tasks so personally, saying what you are really thinking and remembering that its not really conflict!
This Blog was written, tongue in cheek, by an Extrovert, so please don’t take it personally!